A Matter of Trust
by ASongInMyHead
Summary: Not every story has a happy ending. When Deryn reveals her secret to Alek, things go just as she thought they would. Horribly.
1. Secrets and Reasons

**Secrets and Reasons**

"You don't trust me."

"Of course I trust you."

"Then tell me."

"Tell you what?"

"Whatever Count Volger knows."

"What does Count Volger know?"

"Don't play dumb, Dylan."

"I honestly don't know what you mean, your Highness."

"Don't pull rank on me, Mr. Sharp."

"Then don't be a bum-rag."

"If you don't tell me, I'll have to guess."

"Go ahead."

"Hmm… I knew it! You have Clanker sympathies!"

"Pah! Don't even joke!"

"Ouch!"

"You deserved it."

"So… what you're saying is, you trust Volger and Bovril more than me."

"Barking spiders! Yes, I trust a Clanker count and a beastie more than you."

"Dylan. Please. Be honest. I'm your friend. You can tell me anything."

"I'm sorry, Alek… I can't."

"Dylan! Dylan, don't walk away from me. I told you everything. Everything! You know all there is to know about me. I _cried_ in front of you, damn it!"

"You want to know my secret? Really?"

"God's wounds, Dylan. Yes!"

"My name… it isn't… it isn't Dylan."

"What is it, then?"

"_Deryn_."

"You're whispering, I can't hear you."

"Deryn!"

"I'm Austrian, we don't have Scottish names like that. Why did you change your name?"

"It's Welsh, but that's not the barking point!"

"What do you mean?"

"Deryn. It's a _girl's_ name."

"Your parents gave you a girl's name?"

"Now _you're _the one being purposely daft."

"I don't understand what you're saying."

"Yes, you know exactly what I'm saying! You just don't want to listen."

"I'm listening! What the hell are you telling me?"

"I'm a girl! I'm a barking girl!"

"No."

"Alek? Please look at me."

"Why?"

"Why, what?"

"Why did you lie to me?"

"I… I've always wanted to fly. And Da helped me with that dream. But then… then he died, and it was back to skirts and tea and corsets and small talk. I was drowning inside myself. I was losing my dream."

"You lied, cheated and sneaked just so you could fly?"

"And to serve my King! But Alek, you told me that you loved this ship. Well, I love it every bit as much as you do, if not more!"

"I can't believe this."

"Why are you angry? It has nothing to do with you."

"You lied to me. I thought you were my friend. Now I don't know who, or what, you are anymore!"

"Alek! Alek… wait! Do you know how many times I wanted to tell you?"

"Don't touch me!"

"Is it because I'm a girl? You just don't like knowing that a girl could be a decorated officer!"

"Perhaps… perhaps that's part of it."

"Ha! What about Lilit? You didn't pick a bone with her."

"Lilit was born into fighting. Lilit wasn't one of my closest friends. Lilit didn't lie to me!"

"Lilit was born to fight, I was born to fly!"

"I don't want to hear it. Hold on… you… kissed her."

"_She _kissed _me_!"

"Wait a minute… she knew, didn't she? How is it that everyone knew your secret but me?"

"I didn't want anyone to know. I'm not _that _loony, I knew nobody would understand. I didn't tell anybody. Everybody who knows just _happened _to figure it out for themselves!"

"You could have told me."

"No, I couldn't. I can already see it was a bloody terrible idea."

"…Deryn?"

"What?"

"You should have told me."

"I know. I already said that I almost did, loads of times. Look, Alek. If this were to get around more than it already has, they'd toss me off the _Leviathan_. I don't… I didn't want anyone to know. So, what ever you think of me, please don't tell anyone."

"Fine."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

"Will things be strange between us now?"

"Probably For a while, at least."

"Oh. But maybe one day…"

"What?"

"Maybe one day, things will go back to how they were."

"Yes. Maybe."

"Alright, Alek. I should go. It's getting on."

"Fine. See you tomorrow."

"'Night, then."

"Deryn?"

"Aye?"

"Even if… Even if you _are _a girl, you're a damn good airman."

"I know. Thanks, Alek."

"Your welcome, Deryn."

"'Night."

"Goodnight."


	2. Frauds and Hypocrites

**Frauds and Hypocrites**

"No."

"Why not?"

"Deryn, I said no."

"Sh! Don't say my name! Someone might hear it."

"Fine. _Dylan_, I said no."

"I just want to talk, Alek."

"Well, I don't want to talk to you."

"I thought we were friends."

"I was friends with a certain Mr. Dylan Sharp. Ms. Deryn Sharp is a stranger to me."

"I've told you a dozen barking times. I'm exactly Dylan Sharp. The only thing I lied to you about was my gender."

"And your name. And your family."

"Well, yes. But those were just wee things I had to say to hide my gender."

"Little white lies?"

"Exactly!"

"That's not a good thing, _Dylan_."

"Oh."

"Ugh."

"I thought we were passed all this."

"Why on Earth would you think such a thing?"

"You said… We agreed that things would go back to how they were. Someday."

"I've only known your secret for three months. And I only said _maybe _things would go back. But I'm starting to think that they won't."

"What? Why?"

"Our entire friendship is based on a lie! There's nothing to support it."

"You're full of clart. We have loads of things to support our friendship on. Plans, battles, laughter-"

"A knife held to my throat."

"Stop it."

"Why? It's true."

"Don't forget that I saved your life with that knife. All of our lives. And it's not as if I was actually going to use it on you."

"I wasn't completely sure of that, at the time."

"You are now."

"Really? Am I?"

"Stop purposefully making things worse, Alek."

"You're the one who made everything worse, Deryn!"

"I told you not to say my name!"

"You're a fraud."

"No. I'm who I was meant to be. An airman."

"It goes against God."

"You always talk about Darwinist beasties as 'going against God', and yet you're living on one. What does that say?"

"Say what you will. What you're doing goes against God."

"Hypocrite."

"Fraud."

"Clanker traitor."

"Darwinist traitor."

"Bum-rag covered in clart."

"This is infantile."

"Then go away."

"You're the one who wanted to talk!"

"Only because I had no idea that you were so barking daft!" 

"What? Do you want an apology? I refuse to apologize; I've done nothing wrong."

"Neither have I."

"Are you mad? We're fighting because of you."

"No, we're fighting because you're daft."

"Deryn-"

"Dylan!"

"_Dylan_, this is getting ridiculous. I don't want to fight with you anymore."

"Neither do I, Alek."

"So, I believe I have come up with a solution."

"Barking spiders, that's fantastic!"

"Indeed."

"What is it? What's your solution?"

"Just stay away from me, for as long as I'm aboard the _Leviathan_."

"What? That's not a solution at all!"

"Really? I think it's perfect. Perfect for me, anyway."

"Alek, please. Don't do this. Don't you dare walk away from me. Alek, come back! Alek!"


	3. Truth and Rage

**Truth and Rage**

"Come in please, sir."

"This is highly inappropriate, Aleksander."

"Yes, Captain Hobbes, I know. But, really, it's a special circumstance."

"It must be. Volger pled your case all day. Does he know why you wanted to meet with me?"

"He… he knows of the topic of which I would like to speak to you about. But he doesn't know that I would like to speak to you about it, sir."

"Meaning, he pled your case blindly?"

"Yes, sir. But Volger often seems to find things out for himself."

"Hmm…"

"Please, Captain, have a seat."

"I most definitely will, lad."

"Thank you for agreeing to meet with me."

"As I've said, it's highly inappropriate for me to be meeting with a prisoner-of-war."

"Yes, sir. But I believe Volger has assured you that meeting with me would be worthwhile."

"Yes, he told me about the bar of go- yes, yes, he talked to me."

"Sir, this is a matter of great concern and great… delicacy."

"Delicacy?"

"Yes. I hold certain information which could cause you and everyone else on the _Leviathan _a fair bit of grief."

"I hope for your sake, boy, that you are not threatening me or the good crew of this ship. Threatening me when you and your men are in the sticky spots of being prisoners-of-war would be a very, _very_ bad idea."

"Please, sir! Sit down. I'm not threatening anybody, I swear it."

"No? Then what in blazes are you trying to say?"

"I hold some information that I think you would want to know."

"You aren't trying to barter your freedom, are you?"

"No, sir. However, if you were to show us your… kindness after I tell you what I know, my men and I would not object."

"Hmmph. So, what is it you claim to know?"

"It's… it's about a member of your crew."

"Are you suggesting one of my men is a traitor?"

"I'm most certainly not suggesting one of you men is a traitor."

"What are you suggesting, then? Spit it out."

"Yes, sir. It's just hard. I consider this person to be a very good friend."

"Then why would you give him up?"

"It's for this person's own good. And the good of everyone else on this ship."

"Continue."

"It's about a midshipman."

"Mr. Newkirk! What's he done, now?

"No! Mr. Newkirk hasn't done anything."

"If you have an issue with one of the midshipmen, then take it up with Mr. Rigby. I'm quite surprised, though. I thought you were on very good terms with the two midshipmen, especially Mr. Sharp."

"Sir, I think this is a matter that should be discussed with you, Captain Hobbes, rather than with Mr. Rigby. Please sit back down, sir."

"What is it then? Stop speaking in riddles."

"Sorry. Actually… It's about Mr. Sharp."

"Mr. Sharp? I have high hopes for Mr. Sharp. I hope what you have to say about him isn't too bad."

"Mr. Sharp isn't who he says he is."

"What do you mean?"

"Mr. Sharp is a…"

"A what? Look at me!"

"Sir…"

"What?"

"Sir, I'm sorry. I can't. I apologize for wasting your time. I can't… Perhaps it would be better if you left."

"Are you dismissing me? Are you actually dismissing me from your quarters on my ship?"

"I'm sorry sir, I didn't mean-"

"Like hell you didn't! Tell me _exactly _what you know about Mr. Sharp. If you don't, I'll have no choice but to assume he's working with you as a Clanker spy. If I were to assume that, Sharp would be court marshaled, and no doubt be convicted of treason. If he were to be convicted of treason, he would be hanged or marched in front of a firing squad. Is that what you really want for your friend?"

"No, sir! Just… please let go of me. I'll tell you what you want to know, I don't want De- Mr. Sharp to be harmed."

"Fine. Sit. Talk."

"Mr. Sharp's first name is not Dylan, it's Deryn."

"Deryn? What the hell kind of name is Deryn?"

"A girl's name, sir."

"A what?"

"A… a girl's name, sir."

"What are you saying, boy?"

"Dylan… Deryn is a girl."

"Impossible. I've seen what he can do. There is no way a girl could be capable of that."

"Not entirely. But she changed her name. She bought men's clothes which she tailored to fit-"

"It's not proper to talk about a woman like that!"

"My apologies, Captain."

"A girl! Damn it! How could I have not seen it? There'll be trouble all over for this. Damn it, we decorated her!"

"To be fair, sir, she's good at what she does."

"I don't care! We could be brought down for this. She's got to go."

"You're throwing her off? We're in the air."

"We aren't to far from Constantinople."

"Istanbul…"

"What?"

"Nothing."

"We'll have to send her in a Huxley down to Constantinople. She'll have to take a ship back to London, and a train to Glasgow. Honestly, I don't care what she does, as long as she's off my ship."

"I'm so sorry, Deryn."

"Stop mumbling to yourself, boy."

"I'm sorry, sir."

"It's fine. Now, I'm off. You've been very helpful, Aleksander, and I won't forget it. But if you'll excuse me, I've got a ship to stop and a lying middie to fire."

**A/N- I owe an apology to dear Alek, who I keep writing as an utter **_**Dummkopf. **_**Sorry, Alek!**


	4. Revelations and Dismissal

**Revelations and Dismissal**

"Captain Hobbes? You wanted to see me, sir?"

"Sit down."

"Is… is everything all right, sir?"

"Sit _down_."

"Yes, sir."

"Are you a woman?"

"I beg your pardon, sir. What do you mean by that?"

"I thought the question was upfront enough, _Deryn_ Sharp."

"Oh!"

"Sit back down, Ms. Sharp!"

"Yes… yes, sir."

"I hope you realize that I now know everything that you've been hiding."

"…Yes, sir."

"I'm curious, Ms, Sharp. Exactly how long did you expect your little charade to last?"

"If I was doing a charade, it would have fallen apart a long time ago. I'm not playing a game. Sir."

"You will not use that insolent tone of voice with me, Ms. Sharp. Especially when you are in such a precarious position."

"Yes, sir. Sorry."

"Why have you done this, Ms. Sharp?"

"I do wish I that people would stop asking that bloody question."

"What was that?"

"Nothing, sir."

"Then answer my damn question, Ms. Sharp."

"Because I want to protect my country and fight for King George. And I want to fly."

"That's no excuse for your actions."

"Isn't it?"

"Excuse me?"

"I'm sorry to speak so frankly with you, Captain, but I fully think that it's a very good excuse for my actions."

"Ms. Sharp, you aren't helping your case with that kind of talk."

"_Dummkopf_."

"God bless you, Ms. Sharp."

"Thank you, sir. I didn't mean to interrupt you with my sneeze."

"Huh. As I was saying, you will face serious consequences for your actions."

"Like what, sir?"

"Here and now, I'm stripping you of your Air Gallantry Cross. You are no longer decorated."

"Please… don't, sir."

"I also permanently release you from the British Air Service."

"No. Please."

"And tomorrow morning you will board a Huxley and return to Constantinople-"

"Istanbul."

"Stop sneezing! It was just dusted in here."

"Oh."

"You will be sent down on a Huxley to Constantinople where you will board a ship to London."

"Please, Captain Hobbes, I was born to be a part of the crew on the _Leviathan_."

"If you were born a boy, then maybe. You do have the skills. Sadly, your gender has disappointed us all."

"No."

"Ms. Sharp your punishment could have been so much more serious then it was. Luckily for you, the _Leviathan_ is famous. Any scandal could tarnish our reputation, so I have chosen to deal with you discreetly."

"Please, sir, who told you? It was Volger, wasn't it?"

"I'm not about to give this person's identity away. He has helped me with this… matter."

"So, Volger, then."

"Ms. Sharp I hope you realize the impact of what you've done. You ought to be ashamed of yourself."

"I'm sorry that you feel that way, sir, but I'm not ashamed and I hope that I never will be. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: I'm a damn good airman."

"If only you had been born a boy. Now get out, Ms. Sharp. I'll see you off in the morning."

"Sir, I really don't think that it's barking-"

" Get out, Ms. Sharp, I'll see you off in the morning."

"Captain Hobbes, I promise you, I _will _find a way to get back on board. If not on the _Leviathan_, then on some other ship."

"Get out, Ms. Sharp, I'll see you off in the morning."

"Yes, sir."


	5. Anger and Disbelief

**Anger and Disbelief**

"Count Volger!"

"Ugh."

"Count Volger!"

"Hmm."

"Volger, I'm talking to you!"

"_Mr_. Sharp, perhaps I would feel more inclined to speak with you if you would only stop screeching in my ear."

"I'll talk to you however the hell I want."

"And why, exactly, is that?"

"You ratted me out to Captain Hobbes."

"Pardon me?"

"Don't play daft with me. You told him that I'm a barking girl."

"I can assure you that I did no such thing."

"Why would I believe that?"

"Why would I reveal your secret? We made a bargain, you and I. A bargain that neither of us has broken."

"I hope you're happy. They're won't be a bargain to break anymore. The captain has released me from the _Leviathan_ and the British Air Service."

"_Ms_. Sharp I do hope you realize that any misfortune that may have befallen you due to your… secret … is entirely your fault. Even if someone was to 'rat you out', as you so eloquently phrased that, it would still be all because of you."

"So, you do admit that you told the captain."

"I will say it once again: I did no such thing."

"Why do you think this is my fault?"

"If you hadn't gotten yourself into this mess, you would not be in such a situation,"

"You're saying I should have stayed home and been a nice young lady? With corsets and tea and the like?"

"If that is your place, then yes."

"Barking spiders! Is a Darwinist ship your place, then?"

"Of course not."

"Then we're both like fish out of water. Only I'm good at being out of my place. All you can do is tell people what to do and then get locked up."

"Before you resort to insulting me, consider if there is anyone else who could have turned you in."

"There isn't."

"Are you sure?"

"…Yes."

"You don't sound sure."

"Don't talk to me like I'm some daft child."

"There is really no one else who knows?"

"Alek."

"You told Alek?"

"Yes."

"Well, then…"

"Are you throwing your _master _into the flames?"

"There are no flames. I don't care much about what happens to you. You haven't been a great ally to me."

"_What_?"

"Either way, you should talk to your friend."

"I don't believe that Alek would have done that. Besides, I don't think that we're on speaking terms."

"All the more likely that he could have said something."

"Fine."

"Yes?"

"I don't believe you. But I'll talk to him, now."

"Good luck."

"I guess this is goodbye. I'd rather not see you for my last twenty-four hours on this ship."

"I wish you luck in your search for your snitch."

"Ill talk to Alek, but I still think it was you."

"How deeply unfortunate."

"I'm glad you're so barking caring."

"Goodbye, Ms. Sharp."

"Good riddance, Volger."


	6. Games and Goodbyes

**Games and Goodbyes**

"Alek!"

"Oh. Der- Dylan. I didn't see you there."

"Probably because you've been avoiding me."

"I have not."

"You have."

"Well, I'm sorry if you feel that way, Dylan, but I can assure you-"

"Stop it. It's done."

"What do you mean?"

"I _mean_ everyone knows."

"Everyone knows what?"

"You're doing that _thing _again, where you act like a dolt, even though you aren't one. Not really, anyway,"

"Fine, then. What is it they know?"

"That I'm a girl. That I'm a bloody girl!"

"Deryn, I'm so sorry-"

"Don't tell me that. I don't want to hear that. You ratted me out, didn't you?"

"What?"

"Don't make me play these stupid games. I just talked to Volger."

"Volger? You mean, he knew that I-"

"Ha! You did tell!"

"I'm sorry."

"No, you're not. If you were, you wouldn't have told Captain Hobbes. Why would you do that, Alek? It wasn't your secret to tell. Now the captain is throwing me off the _Leviathan_. I'll be sent home in shame."

"Deryn, I honestly didn't know that he'd do that."

"But why, Alek? What do you have to gain from this?"

"It wasn't for me. It was for you."

"For me? Are you barking mad? What could _I_ possibly gain from this?"

"What you are doing isn't natural. You _should_ be home, where you belong. I'm trying to help you find your place."

"How dare you! You shouldn't be _helping _me, you should be in a madhouse."

"I don't care what you think, Deryn. You can't keep playing this game."

"It's not a game, it's my life. And I'll ask you to stop trying to control it, thank you very much."

"I'm not trying to control your life, I'm trying to aid you."

"If this is your idea of _aiding _people, you're now the very last person I'd ever want help from."

"I thought we were friends."

"A few days ago you told me you were friends with 'Dylan', not 'Deryn'."

"And you told me that they were the same person."

"They are."

"Are they, really?"

"I don't know what you mean."

"Surely you changed yourself- and I don't mean just your appearance- to fully disguise yourself as a boy."

"Maybe, a little-"

"You see?"

"Stop it, Alek. I've got to pack. I have to leave the _Leviathan _in the morning."

"I really am sorry about this. I know you love this ship as much as I do."

"That's the only bit of intelligence you've shown in days."

"So, this is goodbye."

"Yes. I'd rather not see you tomorrow. Not Volger, either."

"Alright, then. We've had some good times together, haven't we, Deryn?"

"Yes."

"We did well together."

"And we should have ended up together, but you went and ruined it."

"What was that?"

"What?"

"You whispered something."

"No. No, I didn't."

"Oh. Never mind. I thought I heard… Never mind."

"Alright. Goodbye, Alek."

"Goodbye, Deryn. I wish you well. And, truly, I'm sorry."

"I…I know."

_A/N- Sorry that it's been so long! Just so you know, there are two more chapters left in this story. _


	7. Honesty and Disapproval

**Honesty and Disapproval **

"Hello? Who's there?"

"Dr. Barlow. I must insist that you let me in at once."

"_Barking spiders! _ Fine."

"Thank you. Now, why are all your bags packed?"

"_Honestly_. You must have heard by now."

"Heard what? I hear a great deal of things on a daily basis. You could be speaking of anything at all."

"That everyone found out I'm a girl."

"I took them long enough."

"You knew?"

"Of course I knew. I'm a woman. And I'm not an imbecile like everyone else on this ship."

"Of course _you _knew. But if you also knew that everyone else had found out, why were you asking about my packed bags?"

"I'm just surprised that you aren't fighting that awful captain. I had expected that you would."

"I'm done with expectations. Besides, no one here really knows me, as it turns out."

"Not even Alek?"

"Especially not Alek."

"Mr. Sharp, it sounds as if _you _don't know yourself."

"Stop with that clever-boffin clart. And stop calling me Mr. Sharp. My name is Deryn. _Ms._ Sharp."

"It is not _clart, _Mr. Sharp, as you so delicately phrased it. Perhaps it is even the truth."

"Possibly. I don't really know anymore."

"Why won't you fight to stay?"

"As much as I love the _Leviathan_, I don't want to be here, where everyone knows I'm a girl. Even if Captain Hobbes let me stay- which he wouldn't- it would never be the same."

"Where will you go?"

"Home."

"You won't go back to the British Air Service?"

"They won't take me back."

"Well, this is certainly disappointing."

"I know."

"I meant _you_, Mr. Sharp. You know I dislike the captain, but I would have expected more from you."

"I'm _so very_ sorry to disappoint you."

"Don't use that tone on me, Mr. Sharp."

"Sorry. I mean it, now."

"It's quite alright. I understand you are upset."

"Just a little."

"Look at the time! The ship will be landing soon. It would appear this is goodbye. I trust you will keep in contact with me."

"Of course, Dr. Barlow. I'd like that."

"Then I wish you well, Mr. Sharp. I know you will be fine."

"Thank you, Dr. Barlow. It was nice knowing you. Most of the time."

"I feel the same way, Deryn."

_A/N- That marks the end of the second-to-last chapter. The next one will be the epilogue._


	8. Time and Change

**Time and Change**

"Hello?"

"Open the door, please."

"Who is it? You aren't from Britain. You sound German; are you German?"

"No… Just… open the door, Deryn."

"Who are you? How do you know my name?"

"Please open up."

"First, tell me who you are."

"I can't. You might not open up if you know who I am."

"I'm certainly not opening up now!"

"Ugh. It's… it's Alek."

"…I'm sorry, I don't know an Alek."

"Come, now, Deryn. You know exactly who I am."

"Go away."

"Deryn, it's been nearly ten years since I last saw you. All I want to do is talk."

"_Barking spiders! _Fine! You can come in for fifteen minutes."

"Thank you. Hello, Deryn. You look good."

"I know. You look alright, I guess."

"…Thank you. You, er… kept your hair short."

"Oh, yes. I like it better like this."

"It suits you."

"Alright."

"You have a lovely house. Do you—do you live here by yourself?"

"I do. Why are you here? How does a fancy-pants emperor have time to travel across the world to Scotland?"

"You said it yourself, I'm the emperor. I can do what I wish… for the most part. In any case, there's always time to visit old friends."

"Are we old friends?"

"Yes, I'd say so."

"We exchanged letters twice; the last time was six years ago."

"_Very _old friends then."

"How did you know where I live?"

"Dr. Barlow told me. I'd suspected you would still be in contact with her, after all this years. Apparently I was right."

"Well, aren't _you _clever? And you just thought you'd drop by, unannounced?"

"Yes. It worked better in my head."

"Why?"

"Because I missed you."

"You _missed _me?"

"Well, _yes,_ we were friends for a while."

"Right… of course. Friends."

"Why do say it so strangely?"

"I didn't. But it's good to see you, I think."

"You think?"

"I think."

"Hmmm."

"What were you expecting? Did you think I'd run to you? Hug you? Kiss you?"

"I'm… I'm really not sure."

"Well, I'm sorry if I disappointed you."

"I think I should leave. My fifteen minutes must be nearly up by now."

"Yes."

"It was a pleasure to see you Deryn. I'll write to you."

"You do that."

"Good bye."

"Good bye, Alek... Look at him walk away like that. Dumb bum-rag thinks I hate him. He doesn't know how wrong he's been for ten years… It's too bad he'll never know. Love you, Alek. Always have, always will."

_A/N- Finished! My apologies to those who expected a climatic, happy ending! Read the summary; I have done as I promised. I hope you enjoyed it, and I'll probably be writing more for Leviathan in the future._


End file.
